Prez Bush coming to town ( Dubya by Jug Surya)

Here's Condy, come to give me a last-minute briefin' before I set off on my tour to Indiana beginnin' March 1. Hiya, Condy. I'm all set to go off to Indiana. What's that? I goin' not to Indiana — which is part of the good ole US of A — but to India which is a different place altogether? Well, well, you live an' learn every day. I always thought India was in Indiana, which is why they called it Indiana. Maybe when I'm there I should see if I could organise that somehow.
Condy says that the most important thing on my agenda in India is the nuclear deal. After all these years of sayin' 'no' to the Indian nuclear program, the US now wants to help India nuclearise like all get out. I ask Condy why. An' she tells me that if we don't give India nuclear energy, India and China will burn up all the world's oil. An' that would never do. 'Cos as a Texas oil man I know that it's only the US in general — an' Texas in particular — which has the God-given right to burn up all the world's oil. Condy says I'm not to ask too many questions about India's fast breeder projects. An' I tell Condy, Gee, I'd never ask anyone any questions about their breeder projects. I mean, with a population of a billion-plus, India must sure have one lulu of a fast breeder project, an' then some. But that's their business. We folk from Texas believe in the missionary position an' we don't talk in public about how people breed.
Condy asks me what will I say if the Indians ask me if I intend to launch a strike against Iran. An' I say, Heck, Condy, you know I don't believe in strikes an' all that labour union stuff. Nah, I'll just tell the Indians that I'll invite the Iranians over for a nice friendly bird shoot with my pardner, Dick Cheney. That'll take care of the Iranians, once and for all. Condy warns me that the Indians are likely to ask for a larger quota of H1B visas from the US. This surprises me. I know all foreigners are weirdos. Come to think of it, all those outside of Texas are weirdos. But why would these Indian weirdos, or anyone else, want a larger quota of HIV from the US? Don't they have enough AIDS of their own? Condy says, H1B not HIV. An' I say, H1B, huh? What do you know. There's a new disease every day. I'd say it was a result of global warmin'. Except of course I don't believe in global warmin' an' the Coyote Protocol an' all that environmental horseshit. Condy tells me I've gotta watch out for tricky questions on Iraq an' what I'm plannin' to do about gettin' out of Iraq an' settin' up a democratic rule there.
An' I tell her, Hey, that's simple. Democratic rule is what they want, right? I'll give 'em Democratic rule. Pack Al Gore and all them other Democrats to Iraq an' let them rule the place. That'll take care of everythin'. Includin' Al Gore. Condy tells me that Indians have this funny thing about hyphens. Like they'll invite you to a party-sharty, an' offer you a drink-shrink, an' some dinner-winner. But they don't like us Americans to use hyphens at all, particularly where Pakistan is concerned. Got it, I said. No Bush-Mush cracks, right? Condy says she hopes Bill won't upstage me by visitin' India the same time as I do. And I say, Clinton's visitin' India again? An' she says, Not that Bill, the other Bill, who's an even bigger hit in India than Clinton is. I don't know which Bill she's talkin' about. Bill Cosby? The Bill of Rights? Whatever. Condy says I must learn to say 'Hi' in Indian. An' I tell her, Don't worry, I know all about these ethnic greetings. When in India, you fold your hands together, an' smile, an' say: Sayonara. Or is it Gesundheit?